google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am available for nakedness
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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