Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
