ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
