hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
