Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
