U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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