i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
