Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
