My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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