I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Someone shit on the floor
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
