I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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