I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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