Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
