how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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