I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
