What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
