He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
