I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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