Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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