I'm really into asian looking animals
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
