im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
