i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
