Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
