Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
