i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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