Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
