M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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