You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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