If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
