I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
