In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
