if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
