I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
