Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I touched a dick in church today
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
