I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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