The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
