His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
