textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
