if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
