I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Two words: nipple clamps
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