Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
