let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
