walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
