Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
