barbara walters just said penis...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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