he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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