ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
