my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
