spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
