how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
