Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
