eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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