Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
