it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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