Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
